In today's busy lifestyles, where communication has been condensed into text speak and misunderstandings abound, I was reminded this week of the importance of listening to understand.

People often ask when hearing Damian and I communicate, "How do you know what he is saying?" Let me first tell you a little about Damian before I answer that question for you too.

Damian is 16 years old, physically disabled and wheelchair bound. He has very little speech, limited to a few words at a time - never full sentences, and rarely spoken clearly. This often leads to the misconception that he doesn't understand speech either, but actually, he understands everything.

So how do I understand? This is the thing about parenting a special needs child, as with any child... you learn and grow with your child. Remember when your toddler was learning to speak and you had to make sense of the babble, slowly understanding what each word meant. This is how it has been with Damian, in part - except he hasn't progressed with pronunciation or sentence structure because of his physical limitations. So, in essence the first part of understanding, is learning how he prounounces his words, just like learning another language. He also has an iPad with speech software installed which he uses for basic conversation - asking for food, help etc. but not yet for conversation.

Having said that, I don't always understand what he is saying either, especially if he is talking about something new, using words I haven't heard him say yet. This is where his own ability to interpret comes in - Damian is amazing at making himself understood. He uses gestures and he has very expressive eyes. But what amazes me most is the way he guides me with choice of words towards understanding. 

A common example I used when he was younger was when I had told him I was going to get kittens for him. A while later he was trying to talk to me about kittens, and I didn't understand the word he was using for kittens. Eventually he said: "Mom! Cat. Meouw." And of course, it triggered my understanding. 

This is how it goes, our own normal way of communicating until, like this last week, I am reminded of how special it actually is. Feeding Damian his breakfast, our conversation went as follows:

Damian: My heart (This normally means that he is scared or got a fright)
Me: Your heart? You're scared?
Damian: Mmm. Ghost
Me: Did you dream about ghosts?
Damian: No. My heart. Ghost. In there.
Me: A ghost in your heart?
Damian: Man. Sing. Radio.
Me: That song, My Heart is a Ghost Town?
Damian: Yes

Like I thought, and a family member commented, it's like our own daily game of charades with Damian being the charades master. When I get it right it feels like I just scored full points or progress on the board (no I can't remember how you 'win' in charades, but you get my point.)